We don’t choose when the Big Life Questions start rolling in.
They creep in quietly at first, a rumbling within. One moment, everything feels stable; the next, you're questioning things, wondering what to do. But, what if they are opportunity in disguise?
I’ve just completed 14 years of intentional personal development, and to celebrate, I want to share 7 of the biggest insights about growth to help you reframe, reset and reconsider what Growth means to you.
Big Life Questions (BLQs) are daunting, there is no denying it.
The weirdest part about them, is literally every single person has them roll in at some point. Despite this, they are still a little taboo, best not talked about - would you agree?
Why is this?
I’ve noticed that for many, observing someone navigating their BLQ’s is uncomfortable, awkward perhaps. For the individual, it can trigger judgement so we tend to keep them to ourselves out of protection. Privacy is important too, because their (BLQ) arrival could signal change, and we are hard-wired to resist and avoid that.
Because of all this, navigating them can be lonely and isolating. They form part of what I have termed a Quiet Transition, and facilitating their exploration is a big part of my work.
Questions like: Who am I? Am I happy? What do I even want? Is this working? Is this how it will be forever?
They creep in quietly, carrying the scent of crisis.
Yep, definitely best avoided.
However, these questions aren’t a crisis - until you avoid them.
Ouch. Ooft. Eeek.
If you’re thinking, “I haven’t had any BLQs yet,” - it’s likely they will come at some point. And when they do, they will only get louder until they are addressed. And I get it - the instinct is to push them away, to find the evidence that everything is fine and life will just roll on.
But when you avoid these questions, even for valid reasons like lack of time or inconvenience, you also avoid the opportunity for greater connection to yourself, life and those around you.
Take one of my clients, for example.
She was feeling stuck, pulled in all directions - finances, relationships, career, family - while also wrestling with questions about purpose and fulfilment. She felt like she was “running around with no efficiency” aware this wasn’t sustainable, she wanted to feel lighter.
We used The Continuum Process Life Audit to help her process the overwhelm and her BLQs. We gave voice to what was swirling in her mind, which immediately lightened her emotional load.
The relief was visible through the Zoom screen.
Later that evening, armed with the Life Audit - a roadmap of her thoughts and feelings - she shared it with her husband. They had a deep, honest conversation about their frustrations, despite their strong relationship, this was something she’d been avoiding because she didn’t have the energy for an argument.
But this time, with clarity, they were able to connect (quickly) in a meaningful way.
She told me that their honest conversation cleared up a week’s worth of discussions and brought them back on the same page, really fast.
He said ‘I feel exactly the same’ - and right there, it disarmed the situation and they connected, meaningfully, to enable a respectful and important conversation.
But we didn’t stop there. We uncovered a common thread in her life - a passion, a strength, something she hadn’t fully recognised before. This thread gave her a sense of direction, and with it, bit of a spring in her step that had been missing for a while.
The external circumstances didn’t change overnight, but her perspective did.
And initially, that made all the difference.
Many of my clients tell me that doing TCP shed a light on an aspect of their life that they had not seen. And that in the months that follow, is where the changes began to unfold. I love this - there is no need to rush someone through their BLQ’s toward a neat outcome during our working time together, that’s simply unrealistic. Dangerous even.
For me, my BLQs began in my twenties because of my struggles with panic disorder and anxiety. It was highly inconvenient - I should have been enjoying my twenties. But I found myself on a path of self-discovery, not because I was particularly seeking it, but because I had to find a way through my uncomfortable experiences.
Because when BLQs hit, they are quietly discombobulating.
The urge to conclusion-jump, make drastic or ill-considered changes, can ruminate within. Marketing of programs or initiatives might draw you in, claiming to solve these exact ruminations and problems. Influencers telling you to quit your job, follow your dream, move to Italy, join a multi-level-marketing program. Online coaches preaching that your life can be turned around with a simple framework - 10 steps! And a whole lot of 0’s on the price tag for it!
But what if the answers aren’t about changing your external world immediately?
What if they’re about seeing what’s already there, more clearly? At least for a while.
What if that shift in perspective, along with some sustainable, smaller, considered changes, is what will actually help?
While it might not seem like it, we do have a choice when it comes to how we answer our BLQ’s - it’s just that they get louder the longer they are left, which makes it seem like we don’t.
The Continuum Process is designed for exactly this. It’s not about fixing you - there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re already fantastic, smart, capable, and amazing. It’s not about reinventing the wheel - your life is already great, some tweaks are always available.
Instead, it’s about creating the space to hear yourself more clearly, to uncover what’s been hiding beneath the surface. It’s about finding language to communicate your truth - not just to yourself, but to your loved ones and anyone else who needs to understand you.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by BLQs and don’t know where to start, reach out.
The Continuum Process could be the clarity you’ve been seeking.
And in the meantime, here are some immediate steps you can take to support yourself through BLQ’s:
SUPPORT OPTIONS FOR WHEN THE BLQ’s ROLL IN:
Acknowledge to yourself that they are THERE, awareness is the best and healthiest starting point. Literally say to yourself - BLQ’s have rolled in. That’s how you meet yourself right where you are.
Get a piece of paper and brain-dump them out. Don’t overthink, don’t answer them, don’t perfect them - just dot point each one out.
If you can, prioritise them. There are different ways you could do this - perhaps based on scariness level or biggest to smallest, or hardest to easiest. Use your intuition a little here.
Is there one small step you can take to address one of the BLQ’s? Remember, sometimes a BLQ is here as an invitation for growth, look at your list through that lens and see if it changes how you see your next step.
Is there someone you trust that you can share your experience of having BLQ’s land?
Yoga, particularly Yin Yoga, meditation, and other somatic work could help you. Get along to a local yoga studio for a class, get a massage, or treat yourself to a day spa. Give the BLQ’s some space and don’t feel the need to hurry through this time :)
Cheering for you.
Alice
